A public-awareness resource for Texans who own nice pens, maintained by people who would very much like a different United States senator.
Texans are advised to maintain visual contact with all fine writing instruments while within one (1) county of a statewide officeholder.
Attorney Joe Joplin put his silver Montblanc — a gift from his wife — in the tray at the Collin County courthouse security checkpoint. Surveillance video shows Ken Paxton, then a Republican state legislator, picking it up and walking off with it.[1][2]
A sheriff's deputy reviewed the footage and contacted Paxton, who returned the pen. No charges were filed — Joplin could have pressed them and chose not to.[2][3] A Paxton spokesman said the pen was returned "when the error was realized" and described the whole thing as a simple mistake.[1][4]
Note on dates: news accounts variously place the incident in 2012, 2013, or 2014. Everyone agrees on the pen.[1][2][5]
"I'm Joe Joplin, and I endorse James Talarico for the United States Senate."
Joe Joplin, the attorney whose pen it was, in the Talarico campaign video[8]"This is Ken Paxton. And this is Ken Paxton stealing someone's $1,000 pen."
Voiceover, Talarico campaign ad[9]"Ken Paxton is the kind of guy who steals your pen. James Talarico is the kind of guy who'd let you borrow his."
JT Ennis, Talarico campaign spokesman[2][3]"This was nothing more than a mix-up at security."
Paxton campaign spokeswoman, 2026[4]"James Talarico is so desperate to distract voters … that he has to resort to the same childish attacks that have already been thoroughly litigated."
Paxton campaign spokeswoman, 2026 (ellipsis ours)[4]Commentators called it "possibly the best political ad yet this season."[9][10] The Talarico campaign began selling a $6 pen stamped "Not Ken Paxton's Pen."[2][3] Polling in August 2026 showed the race roughly tied.[4][7]
The security tray is not a communal supply closet. It is a tray. Treat items in it as belonging to the person who set them down forty seconds ago.
Never let your Montblanc enter a government building alone. Pens travel in pairs. Pens file reports.
A pen engraved with your full legal name and the words "AND I WILL NOTICE" has a documented 100% recovery rate on this website.
Carry one chewed ballpoint in the outer pocket as a sacrificial offering. Nobody has ever been filmed stealing a chewed ballpoint.
Radical proposal: if you would like a pen, you may say "may I borrow a pen," and a stranger will simply hand you one. This works statewide.
The most durable form of pen insurance is a general election. One is scheduled for November 3, 2026.[7] Bring your own pen.
No. It is aggressively not. This site is made by people who oppose him, it says so at the top, the bottom, and now here in the middle. There is no link to his campaign anywhere on this page, and nothing here is authorized by him, his campaign, or any committee.
Here is the careful version: video shows him taking it, a deputy contacted him, he gave it back, his office called it a mistake, and no charges were filed.[1][2][4] The name of this website is a joke, an opinion, and a political argument. It is not a criminal finding, and we are not a court. Not even a Collin County one.
Reporting on this one consistently pegs it around $1,000.[1][2][9] For scale, that is roughly 167 of the pens the Talarico campaign will sell you.[2]
It doesn't, and we'd encourage you to read up on the securities-fraud indictment and its 2025 dismissal, the 2020 whistleblower allegations from his own senior staff, the 2023 impeachment and Senate acquittal, and his actual positions.[5][6] The pen is just the version that fits on a bumper sticker.
You may not. But you may have the idea, the format, and our sincere encouragement to register something similar about a public official of your choosing, so long as you keep the facts sourced and the jokes clearly jokes.